I am neither proud of this, nor even sure I am ready to admit it out loud, but I sort of…may have…definitely did…steal someone else’s dream. Ugh, I hate even typing it. Just feels so low. So dirty. And just utterly embarrassing.
I had become discouraged in my initial pursuit and so desperate for change and a more manageable goal that I convinced myself that someone else’s entrepreneurial aspiration was my own. It seemed easy and attainable. They seemed happy. People around me approved. There was little risk. Why not?
I labored through hours of research, I networked, I conducted interviews, I practiced the craft, created marketing materials, shaped social media platforms, looked at retail space and wrote an entire business case…I was fully committed. One problem. I was miserable. A stressed out, emotional, insecure, B*tch.
This is just what it takes when you are chasing that Entrepreneur unicorn, right?
I was casually confessing over the phone with my most keep-it-real friend, that it had been so long since I did laundry that I went commando to my daughter’s birthday party the day before. She abruptly replied,
“That is not ok. You need to stop. Don’t do anything for a week, and then come back to it with fresh eyes. You sound crazy.”
I cried right there on the phone. Real, ugly face crying too. I knew she was right and felt thankful to be granted permission.
So for a week, I removed it from my thoughts. No research. No networking. No outlines. No to-do-lists. Instead, I did ALL of the neglected laundries, organized my office, took my daughter horseback riding, went to the pool, got a pedicure, got my hair done, journaled, meditated, had a beer with my husband on the back porch and became truly present. The elephant finally stepped off my chest. I no longer felt the knot in my stomach and the tense furrow in between my eyes began to relax.
As the end of the week approached, I could feel the dread wash over me at the thought of returning to the process. It shouldn’t feel like this. But how could I start over? What about all that time and energy. The people I told. The mentors that had helped me. Am I letting them down? Am I just scared and looking for a way out before I fail? What would I do instead? Aha!
The creative boomerang smacked me right in the face and my initial pursuit returned to me. Like an ex-lover, you realize all of a sudden is ‘the one.’ Yeah, it wasn’t easy or perfect, but even at its worst, that connection completed you.
So we broke up.
I released myself from the commitment to the stolen aspiration and am finally brave enough to return to my initial love and pursuit. To take action with only that authentic goal in mind. It may be harder, may take longer, may cost me more money, and the success may not be guaranteed, but it is mine. That to me brings me joy, even during its hardest moments.
So be brave, patient, authentic, and listen to your gut. But, most of all, get a keep-it-real friend.
Stay Tuned! The journey has just begun for this eventful gal. Have you started?